Spit and Spirits

Posts Tagged ‘spitandspirits

Men, Get the F##k Off the Couch and Do Some Housework

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The majority of guys are lazy, sooky, mummy’s boys. Don’t believe me? Have a conversation with any woman in a relationship with a dude and you can bet pretty much most of them will say their man does absolutely nothing around the house. And they mean nothing. As in doesn’t lift a God-damn finger, nothing.

How does this happen? How do two people get to the point where it seems totally normal for one to do every piece of housework while the other doesn’t do any? To me, it sounds like utter insanity. Read the rest of this entry »

Turning Into a Caveman

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Caveman Training

Are you scared yet? You should be.

I get a varied response when I tell people I go to Caveman Training. The first is usually one of confusion, understandably, and then it’s often a jump to believing I attend some kind of new-age, men’s group where we dress in nothing but a piece of bark over our junk and try to reclaim our lost masculinity. And while dressing like that does sound kind of fun, although a little drafty now that winter is drawing close, Caveman Training isn’t a new-age men’s group, it’s a place where I go for motivation, inspiration, hardship, pain, euphoria, tears, sweat, satisfaction, mateship and maybe a little bit of vomit. And the reason I’m telling you about this is because it’s changed my life. Read the rest of this entry »

Pink Jobs, Blue Jobs

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‘My old enemy, we meet again.’

It’s safe to say society has changed since the middle ages. We have running water, garbage trucks, and the ability to check Facebook from the comfort of our own beds. The days of brushing our teeth with charcoal and having to marry the first person we accidentally knock-up, or get knocked-up by, are way behind us. Read the rest of this entry »

I Think I Hear My Youth Screaming Goodbye

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‘Hey, I’ve got your enthusiasm right here.’

We’re all getting older.

You’re now older than you were since you just read that line. Now you’re even older again. It’s unavoidable. Like a hangover, or farting in bed.

I mean, we all know we’re on a constantly ticking journey towards a tearful eulogy and eager relatives at our will reading, but there are some parts of growing older that seem to sneak up on you. You turn around and suddenly bam! Father time has kicked you in the balls and stolen a few things that you once held closely and dearly to your younger, more enthusiastic self. Read the rest of this entry »

Procrastination & Toenail Clippings, It’s An Art Form.

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Crap chores are like a giant pink ban-daid.

Gidday.

So, what are you doing? Yeah, I’m talking to you. No, don’t look behind you. What are you doing right now? I’ll bet it’s interesting. It is isn’t it. C’mon tell me what you’re doing right now this very second – please tell me. Really? You’re cutting your toenails? Can I watch? Don’t you find it a bit off that cut toenails smell like dog poo? Yes they do. Well, try it then, you’ll be disgusted. Actually, you stay there cutting your toenails, and I’ll Google why our toenails smell like dog poo. And then I’ll count every hair on your head. I’ll bet you wanted to know how many you have. I’ve got nothing else I want to be doing. Nothing at all, except crawling up into a ball and screaming until some kind hearted Samaritan puts a nappy on me and tells me everything will be ok if I just get on with it and stopped fucking PROCRASTINATING!

Whoever came up with Nike’s ‘Just Do It’ slogan is a wise person. A wise, sneaker wearing long distance runner into the intricacies of our very souls. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Jake Fox

October 7, 2010 at 8:25 am

I’m In A Rally, So Get Outta My Way!

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This is the section were we get to have a bitch about what’s pissing us off right now. It’ll always be posted on Monday, just to coincide with the best day of the week – if you’re still drunk from a roaring Sunday session. If not, it’s because Mondays have a tendency to totally blow.

Feel free to comment about what’s pissing you off right now.

_________________

I gotta get home to catch Junior MasterChef!

This is something I notice all the time. It always gives me a flush of road-rage which I then consciously need to extinguish with the thought of they’re just IDIOTS so don’t hold it against them. Plus, it happens so often, if I let it affect me too much I may start wigging out by following them home and stealing their undies to make voodoo dolls out of them – or some crazy shit like that. Anyway, it bugs the hell out of me.

It’s when people turn street corners like they’re in a rally. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Jake Fox

September 20, 2010 at 2:31 pm

This Is The Soundtrack To My Soundtrack.

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I have something to confess. I’m in love with a 61 year old man. Every time he’s with me in my car, or my lounge room, or my local pub, or even the gym, I hear his voice and the bustling chatter of my mind stops and takes a breath. His name is Darryl Braithwaite. I’ve never met him, but he plays my favourite song of all time. Or at least one of them.

Music makes you feel weird.

You know, your favourite song? It’s the one that makes you sit in your car listening right to the very end even though you’ve arrived. It’s the one you request at your local pub when you’re blind and stumble to it all alone on the dance floor holding your beer above your head. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Jake Fox

September 19, 2010 at 1:10 am

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