Spit and Spirits

Posts Tagged ‘growing up

Freebies? Are You Kidding?

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Honey? Should my new toothbrush make my teeth smoke?

Remember freebies? I’ll bet you do. They were great, weren’t they? They created loyalty, excitement, and just a little bit of alcoholism.

Not anymore though. Getting a freebie from a business these days is like trying to catch a fart in a strainer – it’s just not gonna happen.

Back in the good old days, like, 2002, I could walk into every second bar and be greeted by a smiling, beady eyed manager who would ply me full of free booze. Read the rest of this entry »

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Written by Jake Fox

January 16, 2012 at 11:02 pm

I Think I Hear My Youth Screaming Goodbye

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‘Hey, I’ve got your enthusiasm right here.’

We’re all getting older.

You’re now older than you were since you just read that line. Now you’re even older again. It’s unavoidable. Like a hangover, or farting in bed.

I mean, we all know we’re on a constantly ticking journey towards a tearful eulogy and eager relatives at our will reading, but there are some parts of growing older that seem to sneak up on you. You turn around and suddenly bam! Father time has kicked you in the balls and stolen a few things that you once held closely and dearly to your younger, more enthusiastic self. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Lack of Confidence

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Feel the confidence. Feel it right in your bright red undies.

Dear Lack of Confidence,

I hope your day is going well. I’m just dropping you a line because I believe we have some long awaited issues to discuss, and it’s always easier to write it out, rather than talk about it over coffee, or a beer. Discussions such as this have the ability to suddenly turn into a public outburst of defensiveness and fear, which I’m sure you wouldn’t want on display.

I guess I should just get to the point of why I’m writing instead of hedging my words, I know how infuriating that can be – sorry, I’m doing it again. The reason I’m writing to you, Lack of Confidence, is that I know we’ve been part of each other’s lives for as long as we can both remember, but I feel I’m outgrowing you.

This is going to hurt, and I apologize, but you haven’t been the best friend over the last 35 years. Read the rest of this entry »

Peter Pan Syndrome: Will Staying Young Really Win Wendy’s Heart?

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Oh Peter, you look sorta - old.

Peter stands on the shore of Never Land, golden sword trailing through shallow water. His small, pointy leather boots slowly fill with sand and discarded cigarette butts from nearby Pirate Town. A little way off shore Wendy kneels at the stern of a small launch being paddled by men with hunched shoulders and ragged hair. The men heave their oars through the water and draw closer to an impressive ship, resplendent with polished rails and colourful flags as if heralding the arrival of the young lady. Also decked out in finery is the man waiting to greet Wendy, who watches her approach through a lengthy spyglass. His richly darkened wig falls over a coat decorated with golden amulets and pearls taken from the most experienced of seafarers and the proudest of island warriors.

On the beach, Peter wipes mucus from his nose and trails it down the front of his green tunic with the back of his hand. “I thought we were in love!” he shouts at Wendy’s retreating figure.

Wendy turns and shrugs. “That may be so, but what do you expect Peter? Hook has a boat, and power, and treasure. He’s taking me to Bora Bora!” Read the rest of this entry »

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