Spit and Spirits

Posts Tagged ‘beer

Beers and Spray Tans

with 2 comments

'Wow, I look pretty good for 37!'

‘Wow, I look pretty good for 37!’

I’m going to tell you something I swore I wouldn’t tell anyone, ever. And to be honest, I’m a little nervous about it. However I feel this is a safe place. A place of non-judgment. Somewhere we can let it all dangle in the breeze and save our sniggering for later when we aren’t around each other. Not that I do that of course.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Holiday in Hell: You Won’t Want to Leave

with 3 comments

You should totally check out my specials on Wotif!

For my next holiday I’m going to hell.

No seriously, I am. With all the so called ‘bad’ behaviour increasingly getting hoovered out of our lives via constant public service announcements and thousands of years worth of God praising, I reckon we need a bit of time off to suck up the sulphur fumes of Lucifer’s chalky farts and let the good times roll.

It won’t be good for us – but shit it’ll be fun.

It seems more and more people are deciding to not only take a relaxing holiday, but are also deciding to tell their holier-than-thou everyday life to get the hell out of their face for a while. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Jake Fox

April 1, 2011 at 10:16 am

Cheap Beer and Pizza – Am I in Heaven?

with one comment

A heavenly sight.

Is there cheap beer and pizza in heaven? You would think so. However I assume heaven would also be extremely pure, so maybe there’s only lentils and wheat grass juice on offer.

But, you don’t have to make a drastic life change such as that to find awesome cheap beer and pizza – you just have to go to Melbourne.

Recently I went to Melbourne for a week to attend a relative’s art exhibition. And I tell you, when it comes to finding a good deal for food and booze – I Was Blown … Away. Read the rest of this entry »

Mmmm, Let Me Share My fart With You.

with 3 comments

It's hard to get away with a sneaky one.


This is the section were we get to have a bitch about what’s pissing us off right now. It’ll always be posted on Monday, just to coincide with the best day of the week – if you’re still drunk from a roaring Sunday session. If not, it’s because Mondays have a tendency to totally blow.

Feel free to comment about what’s pissing you off right now.

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Men stink, we really do. We’re all so bloated with protein shakes and red meat and beer, I’m surprised there aren’t instances of dudes just suddenly exploding in a mushroom cloud of limbs and chemical warfare style gas.

There isn’t because we fart. A lot. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Jake Fox

October 4, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Don’t drink? You some kind of pussy?

with 9 comments

So, I don’t drink. Believe me, I would love to. But the choice has been taken away from me recently.

It’s not because I want to wow my hot yogalates instructor, and it’s not because I suffer from alcoholism. My body one day just decided it had had enough and gave me an extreme case of pancreatitis – it’s when the pancreas tries to digest itself. From now on every alcoholic drink is damaging and causes a shit load of pain. A specialist explained why alcohol specifically has this effect, but the best I can come up with in my own words is – it’s like my pancreas is the Death Star with its shields down and booze is like X-Wings on crack attacking it. Oh, and now the shields are down, they stay down. Forever. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Jake Fox

August 12, 2010 at 7:06 pm

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